Everybody has an individual experience of coming out, but most people relate to feelings of fear of rejection, confusion, anxiety, and sometimes shame around expressing or sharing these feelings with others, especially friends and family.

As a gay woman, when I was growing up in the 80’s and 90’s being anything but straight felt almost taboo. Coming from a small town in Shropshire LGBTQ was simply not talked about compared some the conversations and awareness we are having today. There were no representations of gay women on TV, the internet was just starting and in school, the word gay or any reference to being non heterosexual was often used in a derogatory way, so I simply did not have the words or representations for me to access. Often a lack of diversity in rural areas and small towns in many ways can also make being non heterosexual isolating with few or no local groups to gain support or identify with others. This for me made coming out in that environment feel impossible.

Many people come out at different stages of life and in different ways, for me it wasn’t until much later in life that I came out. Until then, I had not realised how much I was trying to fit in with what I thought others expected of me, what I had grown up around and how exhausting that was.

Although there is more awareness, conversations, and support around LGBTQ+, coming out is still a very scary and sometimes painful experience for many. My experience of coming out is not singular. In many areas of life, be it at work, with doctors, or even meeting new friends, polite conversation if you will, often comes up around partners. To which I often find myself involuntarily outing myself by correcting them. I know many others face further challenges around misgendering or judgments.

In therapy, essential considerations around coming out at any age, are about support. Therapy, local groups, friends, and helplines are a good way of exploring and navigating when and how is best for each person to come out and the challenges and concerns that arise. At times clients from religious or cultural backgrounds, or in homophobic environments can feel they have additional challenges. Some may feel coming out to family may never seem like an option especially in small towns or where there may be a lack of anonymity. However, therapy is never about expectation to out yourself, it can simply be a non-judgmental safe space to explore any aspect of a person’s life, and where different options are acknowledged and explored.

Although there has been progress towards acceptance of the LGBTQ+ people in rural areas, they are still facing specific issues. This is illustrated in the report published in October 2020 by The Equality Network entitled Further Out – The Scottish LGBT Rural Equality Report. An interesting figure from the report states that 40% of LGBT people living outside of cities in Scotland feel isolated and 39% have moved from rural places to urban areas.

After moving back to Shropshire, I was anxious about being LGBTQ in a small town. However, I was surprised to see how things had changed. I decided to seek out LGBTQ specific groups and have been surprised at how many groups are around, for young people, adults as well as older adults, I feel that has helped me to feel I am able to be myself. I am happy to be able to continue working as as counsellor at Talk to the Rainbow while in Shropshire and provide the counselling, support, and space to explore coming out and what would be best for that person, in a way I had wished I had been supported when I was younger.

During writing this I came across an ITV mini-series of six chapters on celebrities talking about their experiences of coming out. #MyPride

Here are some general support networks:

LGBT Foundation has support advice about coming out.

Faith based support can be found at Stonewall Resources for LGBT People of Faith

More local support groups in Shropshire are listed below together with other support for different people:

Children and Young People

• Mermaids provides support for LGBT+ young people aged 19 and under.
• Young Stonewall is a charity which provides resources to support young LGBT+ people. The site includes a range of information including FAQ’s and support for young people who are thinking of coming out.
• Gendered Intelligence provides support for young trans people across the UK. They have a range of information available to help inform young trans people in making informed decisions.
• XYZ Club is a Shropshire group who provide support for LGBT+ children and young people.
• LGBTQ+ – Mid and North Powys MIND offers support, advice and access to a support group which is open to anyone who identifies as LGBT+, their family and friends.
• The Proud Trust provides support to LGBT+ young people to help them empower themselves and for organisations working with LGBT+ youth communities.

Guidance for Parents, Family and Friends

• Gendered Intelligence provides support for young trans people across the UK.
• Stonewall is a charity which provides resources to support young LGBT+ people and their parents. The site includes advice and guidance for parents and signposting to services which are available locally.
• Mermaids provides support for young LGBT+ people, their parents, and families.
• LGBT Shrewsbury is a local LGBT site which provides signposting for local information
• LGBTQ+ – Mid and North Powys MIND offers support, advice and access to a support group which is open to anyone who identifies as LGBT+, their family and friends.

Adults

• Stonewall is a national charity which provides information, resources and support for LGBT+ people
• SAND is a Shropshire group who campaign for the rights of old and older LGBT+ people
• LGBT+ Telford can be found on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or by emailing telfordlgbt@virginmedia.com
• LGBT Shrewsbury is a local LGBT site which provides signposting for local information
• Oswestry Lesbian/Bi women is a local network group.
• LGBTQ+ – Mid and North Powys MIND offers support, advice and access to a support group which is open to anyone who identifies as LGBT+, their family and friends.
• Gay Farmer Helplineoffers support forgay farmers in the UK including Welsh speaking support.

Jennie

To contact Jennie, please email contact@talktotherainbow.co.uk

First thumbnail image credit: Martin Sepion at Unplash